I wish people knew me.
The fact that I feel like so many people don’t is more my fault; I’m fully aware of that. For one reason or another, I shut myself off from people. I think most of us do, to a certain extent. I think I’m extreme, though.
What really made me realize this was a situation at work that began unfolding over a year ago. A co-worker had a very unfortunate, traumatic experience, and when I heard about it, I was so upset. I felt for her and I thought about her a lot! I never told her. Toward the end of last year, I received some great, celebratory news about her via mass email, and I literally screamed in my office. I was so excited for her! And I didn’t tell her.
It took about a month for me to finally tell her. And I told her what I’m telling you. I told her that I know I come across as cold and uncaring, and I told her everything in the above paragraph. The sad thing is that when I asked to speak to her away from everyone else, she said, “Yeah. What’s wrong?” I wasn’t sure what to make of that, but I think that was another reflection of how I tend to come across. And I don’t like that.
I wish people knew that I care.
People close to me know that I do. They know that I care deeply. I love hard. Your problems become my problems (maybe that’s not so healthy). I think about my family and friends all the time…more than any of them realize, I’m sure. I guess I just haven’t quite mastered how to show it. But I care…