I Wish…

It has been an extremely long day, one which I hope to wrap up soon. As I sit here in my office, simultaneously thanking and cursing the Moe’s nutrition calculator after eating my dinner in front of my computer monitors, thoughts are running through my mind (when aren’t they?). So I decided to write this post while I wait for a video to import.

I wish people knew me.

The fact that I feel like so many people don’t is more my fault; I’m fully aware of that. For one reason or another, I shut myself off from people. I think most of us do, to a certain extent. I think I’m extreme, though.

What really made me realize this was a situation at work that began unfolding over a year ago. A co-worker had a very unfortunate, traumatic experience, and when I heard about it, I was so upset. I felt for her and I thought about her a lot! I never told her. Toward the end of last year, I received some great, celebratory news about her via mass email, and I literally screamed in my office. I was so excited for her! And I didn’t tell her.

It took about a month for me to finally tell her. And I told her what I’m telling you. I told her that I know I come across as cold and uncaring, and I told her everything in the above paragraph. The sad thing is that when I asked to speak to her away from everyone else, she said, “Yeah. What’s wrong?” I wasn’t sure what to make of that, but I think that was another reflection of how I tend to come across. And I don’t like that.

I wish people knew that I care.

People close to me know that I do. They know that I care deeply. I love hard. Your problems become my problems (maybe that’s not so healthy). I think about my family and friends all the time…more than any of them realize, I’m sure. I guess I just haven’t quite mastered how to show it. But I care…

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