I am fully aware that there are unimaginably terrible things going on in the lives of people all around the world. Undoubtedly, #1 on most of our minds right now is the unbelievable catastrophe in Haiti. I get that. And when I think about that, it puts everything into perspective, and I’m reminded that things can always be so much worse. However, this reminder doesn’t necessarily lessen any pain in my own life, as trivial as it may seem.
This is MY blog. MY place to vent. MY place to discuss what matters to ME. MY therapy.
I hung this flyer at work today, and since last Tuesday, I’ve had trouble controlling my tears:
Lee and I have decided that it’s in everyone’s best interest, especially Nala’s, for her to live with another family. We’ve discussed this in the past, and I became absolutely irate, because when Lee introduced the idea of getting a dog, I fought it tooth-and-nail. I have never been a dog person, and I was completely uninterested. So when the discussion arose about finding another home for her, it upset me, because now I’ve fallen in love with her. But we eventually had to be honest with ourselves. We simply can’t give her the life she needs, especially since we moved into this new place. There is no back yard and no fence. She spends all day inside, and Lee and I don’t always feel like coming home to walk her or take her to the dog park (assuming it’s still light outside) after working long hours, and it’s just not fair.
Nala is still with us right now, which actually makes this a little harder. It’s tough having her at home, knowing that she won’t always be there. I want to detach, to possibly make it a little easier to say “goodbye” when the time comes. But at the same time, I feel like I would be wasting the time I have left to spend with her (by trying so hard to become detached). Also, as with most things, the “not knowing” is hard. For all we know, we could have Nala for another month or two, or even longer. Then this would almost seem like a waste of tears. But is that worse? Are we just dragging it out and making it hurt more?
We’ve contacted the adoption agency where we got her, in hopes that they’ll be able to find a foster home for her (they’re full) until a permanent one becomes available. But we would much prefer that she live with a family that we know, or at least a family at my job. It would be great if she were adopted by a family with children, who can give her the love and attention that she deserves.
Lee and I both love her dearly, and we’re going to miss her more than words can express. She is such a sweet dog. She really is. She has a bond with Lee that is so touching to see, and I know this is extremely hard for him. Every other song makes me cry. Seeing pictures of her makes me cry. Thinking about coming home to an empty house makes me cry. Seeing people walking their dogs makes me look away so I won’t cry. As do dog commercials. I know this is the best decision, and I’m at peace with the decision itself. I know it’s going to be so much better for her, but it’s still very difficult. Before I had a dog, I have to admit that I looked at people sideways when they got emotional about their dogs. Talk about karma, huh? Guess I learned my lesson.
Beyond this post, I prefer not to talk about it, unless it is with an interested party. This post should answer any and all “why” questions that arise out of sheer curiosity.
Again, I understand that there are bigger, more important things to be concerned with, but this is my life. I get to be sad. I get to feel the way I do about what’s big in my life, and I get to shed tears. It’s all relative, right?