Not in the Equation

“It has nothing to do with me.”

During the last (AMAZING) session of my “Total Forgiveness” group, these words were repeated several times as someone shared a story about a professional relationship. They kept echoing in my head, and I while I kept trying to connect it to my own story, another part of me was screaming, “But Sharmaine, it DOES have to do with you! THAT was personal! You can’t get much more personal than that. That was a direct slap in the face. This is not the same kind of thing. Your situation is different. You have to somehow figure out what’s wrong with you that caused them to do that.” I think I wanted to give myself an excuse to continue holding on to it. I’m not entirely sure.

That was about a week ago. Fast forward about 4 days, and I’m hit with a virus that had me in bed for 4 days. And I thank God for it. It’s amazing how He works. It was during this time that I was able to catch up on the 40+ episodes of 20/20 and Dateline. One particular episode of 20/20 really opened my eyes. It was called “Mother’s Little Helper” (original air date: 5/1/10). My epiphany goes far beyond the surface of this topic, so regardless of how it may seem, I’m not putting anyone on blast for alcoholism (As a matter of fact, alcohol doesn’t even play a part). ☺

I also don’t wish to blatantly point fingers and put people on blast for other acts which I’m still struggling to forgive, but I do wish to share what truly helped me. It may help someone else. This particular woman said something in her interview, and the words from last Tuesday’s session immediately came back to me: It has nothing to do with me. It really doesn’t. Words can’t BEGIN to describe how liberating that realization is!!

Have I completely reached the point of total forgiveness in this situation? NO. I won’t even fake the funk. But I can say that my load feels SO much lighter. SO MUCH LIGHTER!!!!!

And you know what? More times than not, it really has nothing to do with you. Really.

(I’m still trying to shake a pretty nasty virus, but I truly thank God for sitting me down long enough to be able to really focus on that episode. This calls for a little celebration, I think. ☺)