As I sit here eight days away from my due date, I’m naturally pretty reflective, and my thoughts have taken me back to a blog post I wrote almost four years ago (below). That 29-year-old was filled with so much anxiety (not that that has significantly changed) and a little frustration. And while I wouldn’t have been able–in 2011–to pinpoint when I would feel “ready,” here we are…and I do have an answer: the room is furnished! 🙂
This room is being watched. Closely. Very closely.
This is one of the bedrooms in the house that my husband and I moved into almost two weeks ago. This move (like any move) marks the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. As a matter of fact, this time of year marks a beginning for many people – specifically, students, parents, and teachers. It’s the beginning of a new school year.
For my colleagues in particular, this hot, steamy August Wednesday in Atlanta, GA marks the official end of summer vacation. Since most of us had not seen each other since the end of May, time was dedicated during this morning’s employee meeting to celebratory announcements (marriages, pregnancies, etc.).
As I slowly sipped on the last of my beloved coffee and listened to these announcements, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety about turning 30 in October. Not only am I leaving my twenties behind forever, but I am turning 30 and I have no children. According to our society, there must be something wrong, since I’m married (and have been for six years). I made the decision to wait to have children, partly because I simply didn’t have the desire, and partly because I wanted to focus on my career during the last three years. Reasons understood by many.
Until now.
“What are you waiting for?”
“You better hurry up!”
“You’re going to be too old!”
I’m no longer convinced that my biological clock is completely broken, which adds a small level of comfort for those closest to me, but the pressure is still intense. It amazes me that people I barely know can drastically increase my level of anxiety by simply asking, “Do you have children?” “Not yet” is becoming less and less of an acceptable answer, as I stand knocking on 30’s door.
Most people are no longer interested in my ‘excuses,’ especially now that we’ve moved into a larger house. Now the main question is, “Which room will be the nursery?” That one I can answer. But when will that room be ‘furnished?’ I guess you’ll just have to keep watching.